Dear Mrs. Sykes,
I am writing to apply for the position of Activity Co-ordinator at your Children’s Club, of which I saw the advertisement in our local youth centre, because I think I satisfy the required abilities for the job.
I possess the ability of dealing with young children. I have also got a lot of experience with taking care of and looking after young children because I have 3 little brothers and 1 little sister and I always look after them. So I think that this part already makes me a very suitable candidate for this job.
I also have lots of energy, because I train for about 6 times a week. I also cycle a lot in my spare time. So also at this aspect I satisfy the required abilities for the job.
With a certificate in lifesaving, I can, if necessary, help the children to get out of the water and take care of them if something is not right. I have also won many awards for swimming, so I am a very competent swimmer. The children are completely safe with me. I can express myself in a way that younger children can understand very well, so the teaching won’t be a problem for me at all.
The other strengths that I possess for success in this position include:
* I am in the possession of a First Aid certificate (in case of accidents) and a driving licence (for taking children out on trips)
* I strive for continued excellence and I never give up.
* I am a very strong person, so the children won’t wear me down very easily.
* I have a very gentle character and children like me very quickly
Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you about this employment opportunity.
Yours sincerely,
Cyril Landstra
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Good job, Cyril. I wonder if more people have already seen your letter.
ReplyDeleteSee you in class,
the teach
Hey,
ReplyDeleteI've seen it, I quite like it...
You use a lot of difficult words though, and too much.
I couldn't do this well.
See ya
Bob
Great job!
ReplyDeleteYou used a lot of different words to say things, so that's good. It'll probably beat my letter.
Arthur
Good job!
ReplyDeleteIt's a nice letter but it is quite long and there are a lot of difficult words. But after all you did really well I think.
Sjoerd
I think it's really good!!
ReplyDeleteIt's a bit long and there are some difficult words. Of course it's a lot better than my letter but what do you expect. It's Cyril..:P
Miriam
Hey Cyril,
ReplyDeleteAs for the homework assignment:
You have used a lot of words, too much acctually, but you knew that already.
Also, I think you are good at showing off, but I find this a bit too much... I don't know if it's just me, but we'll see.
You keep saying: "I possess" or "I am in the possession of" that sounds a bit weird to me.
Also, use less enters and make one longer story.
I hope this was enough homework.
No offence b.t.w., I like your story :D
G'day :P
ReplyDeleteWell I think you've shown of briliantly but maybe it's a bit to much, I know it's been said before so sorry.
And I don't agree completely with this short bit:
"I satisfy the required abilities for the job."
I think it should be something like this:
"I satisfy all the requirements for the job"
dunno excactly why but that feels better.
But still nice letter you'd probably beat mine hands down :P
Hey ^^
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to think of comment that isn't already mentioned like 10 times before haha ^^
So.. it feels like you wrote down the same things twice, for example "I possess the ability to deal with young children" "I can express myself in a way that young children can understand very well" and "I have a very gentle character and children like me very quickly" all come down on the same thing, and it's not really bad or something, but if you only have a limited amount of words you can use, I think it's better to use this type of things only once..
Well this is the only comment I can think of, I think you did very well.. and I always have trouble with too many words as well ^^
Hey,
ReplyDeleteI like your letter and I think you did a great job. I don't know a lot of words, but I think when you're applying for the job, you'll definitely get it. Sometimes I think your sentences are a little too long, but they sound very nice.
VERY GOOD!
Milou
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteThe full stop after "Mrs" and the commas after "Sykes" and "sincerly". You have too many paragraphs and words aswell.
The English grammar otherwise is very good.
Regards,
David
Hi Cyril,
ReplyDeleteI know you had a lot of good comments and mine isn't going to be different.
I already said that it is very long.
A lot of difficult words maybe too much.
At the end of the letter I felt really bad about my letter. But that's a compliment:D.
You say some things different but they mean the same thing. So I agree with Evy on that subject.
Don't make you sentences too long. (But I think you got that by now.)
So that's it I guess...
Great job of course!!!
Miriam